I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize