some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize