Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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