I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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