There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
