I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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