sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
