I feel great
I just peed on a car
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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