So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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