at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
