I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize