I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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