ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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