we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
