Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
