Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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