This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize