While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
