Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
