You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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