if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
