He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Operation Purity has been aborted
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
