If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
