Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
