yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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