i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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