i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
