Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
