The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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