I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
