I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
