you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
