Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
