his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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