evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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