Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
