I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
