Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
