dude i'm inner monologue high
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
