I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
