I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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