Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
