I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
4 words: hood of his car
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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