3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
