well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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