No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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