My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
