he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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