Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
