we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
