no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
