Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
