I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
