We won't sleep together?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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