Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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