somebody snuck up and got me drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
