OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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