can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
