There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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