was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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