just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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