Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
