And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The air taste purple.
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