Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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