Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
