Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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