Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
