i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
