ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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