Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
