And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
