Where is the hickey?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
