He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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