There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
