The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
